October 22, 2012

Stray Cat Winter Paradise: Failed Attempt #1

Rear porch before frame was added
Ray and I spent the weekend proving to each other how old our bodies truly are.

Our intentions were to roof the rear porch with clear plexiglass so that this winter our stray cats, Yum Yum and Jesse and probably Feral Charlie, will not be snowed or rained on. And then, as we do every year, we will wrap the porch in a tarp, and add a heat lamp, a cat tree, a dog house on a table to get them off the ground...pillows, blankets...spa music and a buffet table, undoubtedly. Oh! And a litter box so they don't have to venture into the cold night for a potty break.

Inevitably we also house a few extra guests. Last winter Danny, my sweet old raccoon pal, enjoyed a heat lamp all to himself since no cat in their right mind would try to take it from him. And the year before we had a possum who discovered one of the extra winter houses on the porch and made good use of it for several nights during January.

Well... the carpenters hired to build the porch frame put decorative boards on the top that had to be removed and flattened because the plexiglass would not align with the roof and therefore would let in rain. Ray thought, okay...a couple hours to do that.


It took both Saturday and Sunday to wrench off the boards, paint them--watch a couple football games--before we tackled the plexi sections. After we got them dry set, we took them all off (I know...a curious man-thing to do) and then Ray put the first three sections on only to realize the first section was off. The first section being the most vital...as in "KIM ITS VITAL THE FIRST SECTION IS SET CORRECTLY BECAUSE IT WILL THROW OFF ALL THE OTHER SECTIONS."

Gidget enjoyed the tarp tent before she moved indoors
If I heard that once I heard it forty-bazillion times.

So when the first section overlapped by 3 inches, I was to blame even though Ray signed off on it and was actually the one to bump the plexi with is hip...although that has yet to be proven in a court of law.

I'm going to skip over the parts of our weekend where we grinned at each other with clenched teeth, got tangled in electrical cords that undulated like a snake over and under the roof boards, the hundred or so times I had to reconnect the power cord to the drill because it did not fit properly (but it did after a good ten feet of masking tape), and the time Ray dropped the drill on my hand from six feet above me.

Chauncie enjoys shelter in our smaller yard where the porch is already roofed.

I will also skip over telling you about how Ray doesn't own one decent screwdriver that will actually screw, or how his drill bits are a joke, or how I secretly tweeted while he was preoccupied on the roof, but perfected an indignant "I AM NOT!" when he spied me doing something with my back turned to him.

To make a very long story short: the roof did not go on this weekend. It is planned to go on November 3rd and 4th. Stay tuned.

In the meantime we are popping aspirin and comparing bruises and cuts. Well...Ray has bruises and cuts. I've got a sore index finger from... um... Nevermind.


  1. well - a good reason why my staff doesn't do stuff like that together.

  2. I think you're gonna have a full house this winter. The peep says, add a couple of frat boys and you'll have a movie! purrs

  3. I love your sense of humor about all of this. And going to all that work for stray and wildlife? You must have a good heart to go along with the sense of humor.

  4. The project is finished. Stay tuned to Part II...coming eventually.